A turtle is walking down an alley when a gang of snails surrounds him and beats him up. He staggers to street and finds a police officer.
"Officer, officer," the turtle says, "help me! I've been slugged!"
The officer pulls out his notebook and asks the turtle to describe his assailants.
The turtle pauses, lowers his head and says, sorrowfully, "I can't. It all happened too fast!"
Bonus dumb joke:
Q: What did the snail say while riding on the back of the turtle?
A: Wheeeeeee!
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